Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
