What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
