So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
