Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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