Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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