i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
