i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
