So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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