Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
