Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
