yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
