apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
do nipples grow back?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
