i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
