Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
