47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
