Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
