the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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