Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
