One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
