I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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