I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
