operation harelip BJ is a go
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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