we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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