I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
