I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
this beer tastes like vomit already
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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