I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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