My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
