I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
