i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
