if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize