Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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