just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
