She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
