I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
