Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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