Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
