i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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