yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
