Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
where are my eyebrows?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
