He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
