I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize