You're my little dorito
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
