Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
the raccoons are back...
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