It's Friday. Sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ruined the universe
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
