As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
