physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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