just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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