did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
