yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
