After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
