Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
