best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
