my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
