So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
false alarm, still single
Randomize
