So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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