My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
