It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
