Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize