I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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