The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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