Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
