I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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