...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
