high people should be assigned attendants
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
