You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize