i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize