He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
grandma shit on top of the toilet
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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