i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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