im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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