Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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