And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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